Where I Belong - My Journey to Becoming a Teacher
I have always felt like an outsider. I can remember from an early age, not feeling like I fit in, feeling different and wanting so bad to be like “the others”. I was like a chameleon, doing my best to fit in, changing my opinions, my music and movie tastes, and my thoughts and actions depending who I was with. I wanted to please everyone and my goal was two-fold:
Make sure everybody likes me
Make sure everyone around me is happy
The sad thing about this “not-belonging” was that I would put the happiness of my family, my friends, and even strangers above my own. In my mind, their happiness would make me happy, and that, in turn, would make me happy. By pleasing others, and being who I thought they wanted me to be, I was losing who I really was. I lost the ability of trusting my own instincts and turned to others for advice and external validation until one day everything changed.
The Turning Point
After spending my life pleasing others, and listening to others for advice I ended up with a life I didn’t recognize. I was completely disconnected. When I looked to my future I saw no hope. It took a huge life event, the death of my mother, to finally reconnect me to who I wanted to be.
Let the Beauty of What you Love, Be What you do
After I quit my PhD my mother gave me a necklace which was inscribed by the words of Rumi:
Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do.
After my mom passed away, I began to live by these words. I looked inward into my heart to find what I truly loved, and to find my authentic self. It was the hardest and darkest time of my life. I went through a career change and a divorce, all while raising two kids. It took almost ten years of trial and error, and deep reflection, as well as many failures, dead ends and lots of doubt. But I have made it. Looking back, during those dark and trying times, I would have never guessed that I would be where I am right now and as happy as I am right in this moment, writing this post.
Where I belong
I am in my first year of Teacher’s College at the University of Ottawa at the age of 42. I have three boys aged 11, 9 and 14 months, two dogs and two cats. I am the busiest I have ever been in my whole life. And I am sublimely happy. Why? Because the day I walked into my placement school, Ridgemont High School, I knew it was where I belonged (I have shivers right now).
I can now recall being a child reading out loud, pretending to be a teacher. I always wanted to be a gym teacher but I was told that I should “aim higher” by someone who I was wanting to please. My love for learning is tattooed on my arm and I have had a life long purpose to motivate, inspire and educate others to help them become the strongest version of themselves, inside and out.
Ancora Imparo
Ancora Imparo is an Italian phrase meaning “yet, I am learning”, which supposedly was said by Michaelangelo when painting the sistine chapel at the ripe old age of 87, after a lifetime of being a sculptor. Whether he said it or not is under debate, however, the meaning I get from it.
Yet, I am learning
It is never too late, and you are never too old to become who you truly want to become. No matter where you are, no matter how dark or how hopeless it feels, one day it will all make sense. Keep learning, keep growing and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. This is what I hope I can bring to my classroom, and teach my students. We are all born with a seed a potential and the goal in life is to find how you can unleash it and become the most awesome, happy authentic version of yourself, no matter how long it takes you.
It took me a long time to get here, but I wouldn’t change a single thing.
