The Empath Teacher's Paradox

Can you relate?

I sent this text to my VP from a fetal position at the back of the literacy room on a particularly challenging day, of a particularly challenging week, of a particularly challenging school year.

“I need help. I’m having a really hard time keeping it together. I don’t know what to do.”

She came up and sent me home and also advised me to detach if I want to survive this job. I was teaching grade eight and I knew she was right. The problem was that I did not know how to detach or if it was even a possibility for me. I wanted to survive and thrive as a teacher but at that point I doubted that it was possible.

I became a teacher because I wanted to be a light for the students who needed it the most. The unseen and underserved population of kids who are often misunderstood, mistreated and left behind. The misfits who need to be seen and understood, rather than being punished and shamed.  I chose this profession because of my empathy and compassion but I don't know if my body, my heart, my mind, and my family can handle it. It all feels like too much for my highly sensitive soul.

Every day I work with kids who have so much greatness in them it takes my breath away. Future leaders and scientists and artists and writers who if given the chance could shine the light of a thousand suns. They are why I am here and in order to keep helping them learn and grow, I need to detach myself from all the things I can’t control. Their lives outside the four walls of our school and their stories that break my heart in thousands of pieces. But I must learn to detach without losing my compassion and caring for them. How can I do this job without losing myself in the process?

I am an empath teacher. I take the emotions and feelings of the people around me and I internalize them. I am not sure if I was created that way, or if my life made me this way but it is my reality every day. I am a super feeler. A sensitive soul. A highly sensitive person. It is the reason I am great at my job. It is also the reason why I don’t know if I can continue to do it. My superpower is my kryptonite.

The empath teacher’s paradox. 

I am on a mission to find more people like me. People who care and are eager to do the work so they can continue on their mission to be compassionate educators. Because the world needs us so very much these days. I also want to find the ones on the brink, or the ones that didn’t make it because I want to learn from their experiences. In Canada, 30% of teachers leave the profession in their first five years. I am starting year five in September 2023.

Will I be a statistic? Or will you? 

I know you are out there, flirting with burnout just like me, but not wanting to give up. I want to know that I am not alone. I want you to know that you are not alone. Not only do I want to survive, but I want to thrive, and learn, grow and evolve from my experiences. I want to hear from the compassionate educators who stood the test of time, who are surviving and thriving and made it through those tough early years. 

I don’t want to quit my job. I believe that teaching is one of the most important jobs in the world. I believe that the most empathetic and caring teachers should be teaching in the most challenging and high needs schools. I believe that the education system is broken and the job is almost impossible to do at some schools. However, I also believe in our ability to join our compassionate forces to support each other and do the inner work it takes to have the strength and resilience to bring joy and compassion back to our jobs and our schools. We are responsible for our own wellbeing. We are responsible to fill our own cup so that we have enough to give to others. We must support ourselves and each other. We cannot do it alone and I do not want to feel alone any longer.

Who is with me?